Why Tawakkul Feels Hard After Childhood Wounds
Understanding the link between childhood trauma, nervous system responses, and our ability to trust Allah
Have you ever wanted to trust Allah... but your body still braced for the worst?
You pray. You believe.
But when things feel calm, your mind starts spinning.
You overthink. Overplan. Try to stay three steps ahead.
Somewhere inside, you feel like if you let go, something will go wrong.
That doesn’t mean you lack faith.
It might just mean your body is still holding on to how it learned to survive.
Why Trauma Makes Surrender Feel Unsafe
In psychology, trauma isn’t always about dramatic events.
Sometimes it’s about the little things that happened over and over.. or the things you never got.
If you grew up in a home where:
You had to stay alert all the time
You were left to handle your emotions alone
You were praised for being “strong” or not needing much
You learned early that it’s safer to expect the worst
Your nervous system may still be wired for survival.
And when you're used to surviving, the idea of trusting - even trusting Allah - can feel unsafe.
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains that trauma leaves an imprint in the body. It teaches us to scan for threat, prepare for disappointment, and stay in control.¹
That survival mode doesn't just turn off when you want it to.
It stays until your body feels safe again.
When Trusting Allah Feels Like Losing Control
For many Muslims, tawakkul is taught as a spiritual must.
We’re told to trust, to let go, to have complete faith that Allah will take care of us.
But for some, that’s incredibly hard.
Especially if the people you were supposed to trust let you down early in life.
You might feel like:
If you relax, something bad will happen
You have to do everything yourself
Ease is temporary, and safety is fragile
You shouldn’t ask for too much, because it might not last
These aren’t signs of a weak heart.
They’re signs of a body that learned to survive by staying in control
What Islam Teaches Us About Trust and Tenderness
Islam doesn’t ask you to pretend you’re okay when you’re not.
It makes space for what hurts. It honors your emotions, even the heavy ones.
The Qur’an says:
لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا
“Allah does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear.”
(Surah Al-Baqarah 2:286)
This verse is often quoted, but sometimes it’s hard to believe when you’re overwhelmed.
Still, it’s a reminder that your pain isn’t proof that you’re weak.
What you’re carrying might feel heavy, but it doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you’re human. And Allah knows exactly what’s sitting inside you.
Even the Prophets felt sorrow that shook them.
In Surah Yusuf, when Prophet Yaqub was grieving the loss of his son, he said:
إِنَّمَا أَشْكُو بَثِّي وَحُزْنِي إِلَى اللَّهِ
“I only complain of my sorrow and grief to Allah.”
(Surah Yusuf 12:86)
Prophet Yaqub didn’t keep it all in. He didn’t put on a strong face for the sake of being “spiritually mature.”
He cried. He longed. He grieved.
And he brought it all to Allah, because he knew that Allah could hold it.
That one verse holds so much compassion.
It tells us that you don’t have to be “okay” to be close to God.
You don’t have to hide what hurts in order to be faithful.
You can pray and struggle at the same time.
Prophet Yaqub never gave up hope, even when years passed without answers.
He trusted, but his trust didn’t look like silence.
It looked like honesty. It looked like grief and faith living in the same heart.
If letting go feels hard for you
If trusting Allah feels scary, even though you want to
That doesn’t make you broken
It makes you someone who has been through a lot
And even that can be part of your return to Him.
Healing the Body to Rebuild the Heart
When trust has been broken again and again, it becomes hard to let go, even to the One who loves you most.
That doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
It means your body learned that safety meant staying alert, staying in control, always preparing for what could go wrong.
So now, even peace feels unfamiliar.
Even rest feels unsafe.
Healing doesn’t start with shame.
It begins with understanding.
Understanding why trust feels so hard. Why you’re always on guard. Why your nervous system treats ease like a threat.
What healing can look like:
It’s noticing that your body tenses even when everything is okay.
It’s realizing you overthink because being “wrong” used to come at a cost.
It’s catching the guilt that shows up when you ask for help.
It’s understanding why you only feel valuable when you’re useful.
These aren’t flaws.
They’re learned patterns .. your body’s way of protecting you when protection felt far away.
And because they were learned, they can be unlearned.
Gently. Patiently. With support.
This is where therapy can help.
Not because you lack faith, but because you're human.
Because before the heart can fully trust, the body needs to feel safe.
A trauma-informed therapist can help you:
Understand how survival shows up in your daily habits
Unpack what you learned about love, control, and responsibility
Practice feeling safe in your body and in your relationships
Build the kind of internal safety that makes room for softness
As your nervous system begins to feel calm, your heart can open more easily.
You begin to trust .. not because you're forcing belief, but because your whole being finally feels safe enough to let go.
This kind of healing doesn’t replace faith.
It makes space for it.
It helps you embody what you already believe, without fear in the background.
You’re not broken for finding trust difficult.
You’re just healing from places that made safety feel like a risk.
And healing is not separate from your spiritual path.
It’s part of your return.
You’re Not Failing. You’re Healing.
If trusting Allah feels harder than you expected, it doesn’t mean you’re spiritually weak.
It means you’re carrying things your body was never meant to hold on its own.
Things you didn’t choose, but had to survive.
And that survival shaped how you experience safety, rest, and even faith.
But healing is possible.
Your nervous system can learn a new rhythm.
Your heart can rebuild its capacity to trust, not through pressure, but through kindness.
And your return to Allah can be quiet, slow, and still deeply sincere.
You are allowed to unlearn fear.
You are allowed to feel safe again.
You are allowed to rest and still be faithful.
You do not have to choose between healing and religion.
Both can exist together.
Both can guide you home.
Sources & References
The Qur’an: Surah Al-Baqarah (2:286), Surah Yusuf (12:86)
The Body Keeps the Score: Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.
Explores how trauma affects the brain, body, and emotions, and how healing begins through safety.Islamic Psychology and Trauma: Dr. Rania Awaad
Research on how early emotional wounds impact trust, healing, and the connection to faith.