Porn Addiction Toolkit

Written By Fatma Khaled

This toolkit includes resources to support someone with recovery from porn addiction.

To provide much-needed support for struggles with pornography, The Family & Youth Institute collaborated with Young Muslims and Naseeha Mental Health to conduct preliminary research, which informed the creation of this Pornography Addiction Toolkit. We recognize that consuming pornography is not the same as being addicted to it. Although the focus of this toolkit is centered on addiction to pornography, the resources provided may still be useful to those who are not addicted. 

To create this toolkit, The FYI team selected relevant resources from a variety of platforms while keeping cultural and religious sensitivities in mind. Other content, views, and opinions expressed on these platforms do not necessarily reflect the vision and views of The FYI. 

 

  • For years, The FYI has received requests from individual and communities for resources to support their loved ones struggling with pornography addiction. In 2018, NASEEHA conducted a survey of over 200 Muslims in Canada showing a first glance at pornography consumption among Muslims. Inspired by these findings and coupled with the community requests for support, The FYI embarked on building upon this study in order to understand pornography among Muslims as well as provide research-informed resources. Guided by the principles of community-based participatory research (Wallerstein & Duran, 2010), The FYI partnered with NASEEHA and Young Muslims to conduct a three-pronged needs assessment of pornography use among American Muslim youth.

    • First, we conducted a review of current research on pornography amongst both American-Muslim and other-religion youth.

    • Second, we interviewed individuals from diverse professional backgrounds (e.g., clinicians, imam, social worker) who served individuals struggling with pornography. Interviews were coded for common ideas and concepts.

    • Third, an online survey was created and disseminated by Young Muslims. The data was cleaned and analyzed by The FYI team.

    • The Preliminary Research Findings were presented. Also, check out the upcoming FYI Report for more comprehensive analyses.

    • The research is ongoing and we are continuing our research efforts by interviewing individuals struggling with pornography.

    The research findings were then used to guide the solution-seeking process. In collaboration with NASEEHA, resources have been gathered together in The FYI Porn Addiction Toolkit.

  • One of the biggest barriers to getting help from porn addiction is the stigma that exists in the Muslim community. Let’s go through some of these assumptions and how we can correct them. Reducing stigma starts with us and reversing our own misconceptions, and then sharing that knowledge and empowering others!

    1. In many of our communities, sexuality is discussed only in the context of shame and sin. When we speak about sexual desire from a point of shame and sin only, we create a narrative that makes it even more difficult to support those who are struggling. 

    Let’s reframe this: Our faith recognizes that we are created with sexual desires, and it sets boundaries for these desires to be met while protecting our overall well-being. As human beings with this natural desire, we sometimes struggle with them and need guidance. 

    2. Many people believe that porn addiction only impacts men.

    Let’s reframe this: Research shows that while more males than females view porn, a relatively high percentage of viewers are female. This stigma can lead to increased shame for a woman who is addicted to porn, making it even more difficult for her to ask for help.

    3. If you’re a practicing Muslim, you don’t struggle with porn addiction. Praying and reading Qur’an will prevent you from watching porn.

    Let’s reframe this: Responses from a survey conducted by Young Muslims show that of those who viewed porn (199), 70% describe themselves as regularly or very practicing and believe that viewing porn is immoral. Struggling with a porn addiction does not deem a person unworthy of being helped, nor does it always indicate that he/she is less committed to their beliefs.

    4. Those who are addicted to porn actively sought it out.

    Let’s reframe this: With the ease of access to porn, it’s likely that many people were exposed to porn accidentally and this opened the door to their addiction. In 2010, approximately 1 in 4 youth Internet users reported an unwanted exposure to sexual material. More recently, 46% percent of young people report being exposed to porn accidentally or unintentionally. Among Muslim young adults, 61% of Muslim young adults were exposed to explicit material between 11 to 14 years old.

 

What is Porn Addiction?

An addiction is a pattern of behavior that is difficult to control or stop, despite a person knowing that the behavior leads to negative consequences. Whether it’s viewed occasionally or often, porn is harmful and Islamically prohibited. A key marker of a porn addiction is when a person finds it incredibly difficult to stop watching, even when they want to. People with an addiction to porn often feel that they cannot control their urges and that their urges control them instead.

    • Experiencing overwhelming cravings to view porn

    • Spending large chunks of time watching porn

    • Frequent masturbation

    • Losing attraction or interest in sex with spouse/partner

    • Delaying/losing sleep

    • Spending more time in isolation

    • Lying to hide the behavior

    • Feeling guilty or ashamed

    • Losing interest in hobbies/interests

    • Falling behind on responsibilities

    • Unable to focus on anything else

  • Many people, including those with addictions, wonder why porn addiction is difficult to overcome. Isn’t it as simple as just stopping the behavior?

    The reality is that porn harms the brain over time. It physically changes how our brain works. Let’s take a look at how this happens.

    • Deep inside our brain, we all have a reward center that contains a chemical called dopamine. Dopamine is released into our brain every time we do (or anticipate doing) something that we enjoy, like eating dessert or spending time with loved ones.

    • Viewing porn also causes the brain to release dopamine, but at unusually high levels. After watching porn, the rush of dopamine tells your brain: “Hey, this is a good thing! Keep doing it.” With repeated exposure, your brain will even release dopamine in anticipation of viewing porn again. Just expecting to view porn will result in a rush of dopamine!

    • With time, your brain does what it is supposed to do — when it likes something, it makes those chemical pathways stronger. So, our brain alters itself to crave and find those pleasurable experiences again.

    • As these cravings increase in the brain, they disrupt the part of the brain that helps a person make healthy decisions and control their impulses — the CEO part of our brain called the Prefrontal Cortex. This change in our brain is one of the key markers of addiction. 

    So even if a person may want to stop watching porn, the part of their brain that helps them make the right decisions and stay away from porn is compromised. The more that a person gives in to their desire to view porn, the stronger their cravings become. They start building tolerance — they need more of the behavior to reach the same dopamine “high.”

    Porn consumption has similar effects on our brain as other negative behaviors, like smoking tobacco. The key difference is that tobacco is expensive and requires an I.D. whereas porn is available anywhere with an internet connection, completely free of charge! Easy access to porn makes it even more difficult for people who are addicted to give up their habit. It also makes it incredibly easy for those who may “occasionally” watch porn to fall into addiction.

Taking Steps Towards Recovery

 

If you are someone who is trying to quit porn, despite how overwhelmed you may be feeling, know that there is hope and support for your recovery.

  • Many people who are addicted think that they can stop watching porn at any time but find it difficult to stop when they want to. Others might minimize or deny the problem, or justify why they use porn. Denying the addiction and the impact that porn has on your life is one of the biggest obstacles to recovery. The first step to the healing journey is to be aware of your problem and to accept that it is a problem. Take a deeper look at the harmful effects of porn in other areas of your life like family, career, overall productivity, emotional wellness, social life, etc. Think it isn’t affecting you? Read these examples of denial.

  • Why is it important to you that you quit porn? You may have many goals that you want to achieve in life. Porn may be keeping you from being the best version of yourself. It may be harming your relationship with Allah (swt) or your loved ones. Write down your reasons, post them somewhere visible to you, and look at them often to stay motivated.

  • Do this soon as you’ve made the commitment to stop watching. Eliminating easy access will help you on the healing journey. Try implementing some of the following strategies mentioned below.

    • Delete all pornographic images or videos from phones, tablets, and computers

    • Dispose of pornographic magazines, CDs, and videotapes

    • Unsubscribe from websites and mailing lists

    • Install anti-porn and accountability software like Truple, Covenant Eyes or Qustodio.

    • Set a data usage limit on your devices.

    • Use an app like Vid Angel to filter out sexual content that can be triggering.

  • There are many reasons why people turn to porn in the first place. It could be accidental exposure, a lack of education about sex, or difficulty managing sexual desires. Think about why you first turned to porn, and what it is that fuels your addiction now. Many people addicted to porn also use it to cope with uncomfortable emotions, like stress, anxiety, or feeling lonely. They turn to porn to relax their body when these difficult emotions come up, usually unconsciously. Porn replaces discomfort with pleasure, but only momentarily. Learn more here. 

  • A trigger is a feeling or situation that makes you crave porn. When triggered, you feel that you need porn to feel better. Every time you feel the urge to look at porn, write down exactly what you were feeling or thinking. Use an app like Fortify to track your relapses and what may have triggered them. By being mindful of your triggers, you’ll start to recognize situations that make you more vulnerable to relapsing. With this awareness, you can find ways to deal with your triggers more effectively.

    Emotional Triggers:

    Cognitive (thoughts) Triggers:

    Situational Triggers:

    When you recognize what’s fueling your urge, deal with the trigger directly. Let’s say you feel lonely and upset after getting into a fight with a friend or family member, and you recognize that this is triggering your desire to watch porn. Address the underlying issue behind your trigger – it could be that you are feeling unheard, misunderstood, or disappointed in how you reacted. Recognize your feelings by writing them down. Write down what you might do differently next time. Talk to someone who will hear you out but also give you good advice on how to deal with the situation. If you need to apologize or have a follow-up conversation, plan when and how you will do it. Rather than sitting in your feelings and then turning to porn, recognize the trigger for what it is and try different ways to address what it brings up for you.

  • One common trigger for porn is boredom or too much free time. Make a daily routine and plan to stay busy and engaged. Also, make a list of things you can do as soon as you feel triggered. One really good tip is to avoid being alone – call a friend, leave your room, or find a way to be around other people right away. Try exercising, gardening, etc – whatever works for you.

  • Once committed to recovery, some people find that stopping porn (and masturbation) immediately is the best approach for them. Others struggle with this approach, especially if they’ve developed a habit of viewing porn multiple times a day. In that case, a more gradual approach might help. The first step would be to eliminate the visual stimuli (watching porn) and the second  step would be to reduce the behavior (masturbation). Whether you choose to quit gradually or immediately, becoming aware of your triggers and practicing some of the other strategies listed here is still important for your long-term recovery.

  • Fasting has been described by the Prophet (pbuh) as one of the ways to control sexual desire, and is a strategy that some people use to curb their addiction.  “O  young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and preserves one from immorality; but he who cannot afford it should observe fast for it is a means of controlling sexual desire.” (Sahih Muslim) Although the Prophet (pbuh) refers to young men, this advice applies to any person, male or female, who is struggling to control their sexual urges.

  • Shame is the idea that “I am a bad person.” This thought reinforces the belief that you are a bad person who is incapable and unworthy of change. Guilt is the idea that “This behavior is wrong or bad.” It gives you the chance to accept your mistake, ask for forgiveness, and change your behavior. Shame will only trap you in the addiction cycle, while guilt allows you to take responsibility for your behavior.

    • Yes, this will be incredibly difficult. But porn thrives off of secrecy and isolation – hiding your habit from your spouse can exacerbate your addiction. See tips here and how to disclose the addiction. You can use some of these suggestions to start the conversation. Also see the section of this toolkit titled “Support for Spouses…”

    • Recognize that your spouse may experience a great deal of trauma and shock at first. You’ll need to give them space to process their feelings. Try to see things from their perspective and regulate your emotions as they come to terms with what you’ve shared.

    • If you are considering marriage or are engaged, realize that an addiction to pornography is not simply resolved by marriage. If you are struggling with an addiction to porn, get help to treat your addiction before proceeding with the marriage process.

    If you are on your path towards recovery, use this checklist to assess your readiness for marriage.

  • The journey of recovery can be challenging, as you may cycle between recovery and relapse. Know that with a commitment to change and a plan of action, recovery from porn is possible with the help of the Most Merciful. Turn to Him, ask for His help, and keep asking for it each time you fall. He hasn’t left you alone when you relapse, He’s just building you up each time so you get stronger and gain self-awareness in your recovery, inshAllah (God-willing).

 

The Importance of Getting Help

 

Despite wanting to quit porn, people with addictions get stuck in the cycle of addiction because they try to battle the addiction on their own. They often fail, and this makes them more likely to turn back to porn. Because addiction thrives off of secrecy and isolation, one of the most important things you can do for your recovery is to get help. But it can be uncomfortable to open up to someone else – it will take some courage and motivation. Remember that the discomfort of the initial conversation will be temporary, while the support you’ll receive as a result is one of the best things you can do to heal from the addiction.

 

Quitting porn is a marathon, not a sprint.

Even with the strongest commitment to quit, freedom from a porn addiction can take several months to a few years. Relapsing does not mean that recovery isn’t working and that you can never quit porn. Rather than feeling discouraged by the time it takes, set the right expectations for the journey ahead.

 

  • Despite wanting to quit, you will struggle with your cravings. Sometimes, they will overpower your desire to stop viewing porn. This is expected and it does not mean that you are failing. You are undoing the changes that happened in your brain during the addiction. With consistent effort, you’ll see that the periods of sobriety will get longer and your relapses will happen less often. Recovery is a process, so be patient with yourself and take it one day at a time.

  • Addiction changes your brain, and is fueled by subconscious patterns of thought and behavior. It will take time to become aware of these patterns and make healthier, more mindful choices. Just like you cannot run a marathon without training for it, quitting porn takes time and requires finding strategies that will work for you. You also need people who will help you stay motivated and hold you accountable.

  • Research shows that staying away from porn, even for short amounts of time, helps with quitting.  So when you relapse, don’t throw in the towel and consider your sober days wasted. Know that the time you spent away from porn before the relapse still counts towards your recovery. After the relapse, consider the very next moment a chance to stick to your commitment.

    • Reflect on the situation. What triggered you? What could you have done differently? Write down practical steps you can take to avoid falling into the same triggers.

    • What did you learn from the relapse? Are there strategies you used to use that you’ve eased up on? Keep track of what has helped you the most and try implementing these strategies again.

    • Be mindful of your feelings. Don’t repress them or distract yourself from them. They are there to teach you something.

    • Learn about and challenge the negative thought patterns that many people addicted to porn fall into.

    • Talk to an ally, therapist, or friend. They can be there for you after a relapse, help you stay motivated, and hold you accountable if that’s what you need.

    • Look back at the goals you set for yourself and reasons why you wanted to quit. Revisit them each time you relapse to stay motivated.

  • Allah (swt) sees your sincere desire to quit, and He sees every action that you take towards recovery.

    • He is As-Shakoor, The Appreciative, and He recognizes how hard you are trying. His forgiveness is available to you as long as you are sincerely regretful and committed to making an effort to be better.

    • When you have relapsed or feel far from where you want to be, it can be hard to believe in yourself. Ibn Ata Allah says, “If you find yourself having less hope in God when you make a mistake, then realize you are only relying on your efforts, and not God’s mercy.” In those moments, renew your faith in Allah – turn back to dua’a and recognize that He is able to help you and nothing is possible without His will.

    • Relapsing does not mean that you’ve completely failed, nor is it a punishment from Allah (swt). It is a minor setback on the journey, and you can ask for forgiveness, recommit and keep going.

    • When you’re feeling overwhelmed, know that Allah (swt)’s mercy and forgiveness is always near. When you fall, He doesn’t give up on you so don’t give up on yourself. 

    Say, Oh my servants who have transgressed against themselves by sinning, do no despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful. (Az-Zumar 53)

 

Porn Addiction in a Relationship

For some couples, a discovery about porn addiction happens when one spouse notices a significant change in their spouse’s behavior. You may be concerned about your spouse’s behavior but are unsure whether he/she is addicted to porn. Or you may know for sure but are not yet ready to address the problem. Maybe you have seen your spouse watching porn, but he/she excuses the behavior and denies having an addiction. Regardless of where you fit in, the best strategy to protect your marriage is to be knowledgeable about porn addiction and its impact on your relationship.

  • Many people, including those with addictions, wonder why porn addiction is difficult to overcome. Isn’t it as simple as just stopping the behavior? The reality is that porn harms the brain over time. It physically changes how our brain works. Let’s take a look at how this happens.

    Deep inside our brain, we all have a reward center that contains a chemical called dopamine. Dopamine is released into our brain every time we do (or anticipate doing) something that we enjoy, like eating dessert or spending time with loved ones. Viewing porn also causes the brain to release dopamine, but at unusually high levels. After watching porn, the rush of dopamine tells your brain: “Hey, this is a good thing! Keep doing it.” With repeated exposure, your brain will even release dopamine in anticipation of viewing porn again. Just expecting to view porn will result in the rush of dopamine!

    With time, your brain does what it is supposed to do – when it likes something, it makes those chemical pathways stronger. So, our brain alters itself to crave and find those pleasurable experiences again. As these cravings increase in the brain, they disrupt the part of the brain that helps a person make healthy decisions and control their impulses–the CEO part of our brain called the Prefrontal Cortex. This change in our brain is one of the key markers of addiction. So even if a person may want to stop watching porn, the part of their brain that helps them make the right decisions and stay away from porn is compromised. The more that a person gives in to their desire to view porn, the stronger their cravings become. They start building tolerance–they need more of the behavior to reach the same dopamine “high.”

    Porn consumption has similar effects on our brain as other negative behaviors, like smoking tobacco. The key difference is that tobacco is expensive and requires an I.D. whereas porn is available anywhere with an internet connection, completely free of charge! Easy access to porn makes it even more difficult for addicts to give up their habit. It also makes it incredibly easy for those who may “occasionally” watch porn to fall into addiction. Learn more about how the brain is changed during addiction here.

    For some couples, a discovery about porn addiction happens when one spouse notices a significant change in their spouse’s behavior.  You may be concerned about your spouse’s behavior but are unsure whether he/she is addicted to porn. Or you may know for sure but are not yet ready to address the problem. Maybe you have seen your spouse watching porn, but he/she excuses the behavior and denies having an addiction. Regardless of where you fit in, the best strategy to protect your marriage is to be knowledgeable about porn addiction and its impact on your relationship.

    Some signs of a porn addiction:

    • Pornographic pop-ups and ads on shared devices

    • A cleared browsing history or finding porn on your spouse’s browsing history

    • Becoming easily frustrated or moody

    • Low self-esteem and increased feelings of inadequacy, especially for women who are addicted.

    • A lack of physical and emotional intimacy in the relationship

    • You spouse may not be interested in sex, or may not initiate sex as often as he/she used to.

    Changes in your sex life:

    • A sudden shift in sexual preferences. For example, a person with an addiction to porn may try to live out unrealistic sexual experiences they’ve seen online.

    • Excessive use of technology, like staying up late on his/her phone or laptop

    • Spending excessive time alone without an explanation or constantly demanding privacy

    • Falling behind on responsibilities and is unable to account for how he/she is using their time

    On its own, each of these signs may not signify a porn addiction. But you know your spouse and your relationship best. With that in mind, observing a combination of these behaviors in your spouse over time does warrant concern.

  • Research shows that pornography use leads to lower relationship satisfaction and quality. It is also linked to divorce. What is it about porn that harms relationships?

    • Breaks Trust: Usually, a person who views porn does not want their spouse to know. Their attempts to hide the behavior by lying, being evasive, or spending increased time alone can create suspicion, disconnection and a lack of trust in the relationship.

    • Decreased Sexual Satisfaction: Viewing porn creates unrealistic expectations about sex and intimacy in the mind of the viewer. He/she may begin to compare their spouse’s appearance and behavior against fantasies created in porn, which are heavily photoshopped and scripted. Porn also focuses on the self-gratification of one spouse and objectifies the other, while a healthy sexual relationship centers the pleasure and comfort of both spouses.

    • Lack of Emotional Intimacy: Porn depicts sex as a physical act only and eliminates the need for a couple to connect emotionally. Emotional intimacy is key to a satisfying sex life. The closer a couple feels to one another, the more trust and acceptance they build in the relationship, which makes it easier to be relaxed and open with one another during sex. Porn undermines this emotional connection.

    • Promotes Violence: Porn normalizes sexual aggression especially towards women. In one study analyzing violence in best-selling porn, 88.2% of the scenes contained physical aggression while 48.7% of scenes contained verbal aggression. Aggression was usually directed towards females while perpetrators were typically males.(1)

  • Finding out (or even suspecting) that your spouse is addicted to porn can be an incredibly overwhelming experience.

    • You may feel sad, betrayed, angry, confused, disgusted, or rejected.Make space for your emotions. Accept them rather than ignoring or repressing them. This is an important step in your own coping and healing.

    • It’s common for the spouse of a porn addict to blame themselves for their spouse’s addiction. Know that your spouse’s addiction is not your fault. Although it may seem like porn addiction is rooted in sexual desire, many people addicted to porn use it to cope with uncomfortable emotions, like stress, anxiety, or feeling lonely.

    • The most important thing that you can do is to find support for yourself. Call a helpline like Naseeha Mental Health or NISA Helpline. If you can, start seeing a therapist. You’ll need help working through your feelings, making decisions for your well-being, and beginning your own healing process. If therapy is not accessible to you, look for support groups in your area or virtually, or confide in a trusted friend.

    • Take some time to understand the nature of a porn addiction.Despite being aware of its harmful impact, addictive behavior is difficult to stop. It’s likely that your spouse has made attempts to stop watching porn but failed. It’s also possible that your spouse’s porn habits preceded your relationship with him/her. Understanding the addiction is not about making excuses for your spouse. It’s about recognizing that his/her behavior is caused by a combination of factors, and that it will take more than just willpower to stop the addiction.  It’s also about making an informed decision regarding your relationship together. If you decide to support your spouse towards recovery, your knowledge about the addiction can help you be there for him/her.

  • It’s important to address your concerns about your spouse’s behavior in an open and honest conversation with him/her. If you come to the conversation with the intention to listen and understand your spouse, your discussion can create an opportunity for deeper honesty and intimacy in your relationship.

    • Give your emotions space. It’s normal to feel anxious about this conversation. You might be worried about your spouse’s reaction, or how the conversation will impact your relationship.

    • Spend time thinking about what you’d like to discuss with your spouse and rehearse if you can. See this resource on tips for how to prepare for the conversation.

    • Focus on the present. It can be easy to get stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts and to worry about the future of your relationship, or getting preoccupied with past behaviors. It can help to focus on how you are feeling, and what you can do to address the issue one day at a time.

    • When you do choose to talk to your spouse about your concerns, try the following tips:

    • Choose a time when you know you’ll have privacy and when you both have not had a rough day with other stressors.

    • Start the conversation calmly and directly. Make sure that you come to the conversation with the intention of understanding your spouse, not blaming or accusing him/her. Tell your spouse that there’s something on your mind that you’d like to share with him/her. Share your observations about his/her behavior, and the concerns that this has raised for you. You can use some of these statements to get started.

      • I’ve noticed that you haven’t been yourself lately, and I’m worried about you. 

      • The thing that matters most to me in this conversation is that we are honest with each other. 

      • I know this is a difficult topic to talk about, but I want to talk to you about porn. I’ve been reading about the harmful effects of pornography addiction and how common it is, and I wanted to discuss this with you. Can we talk about it together?

    • Focus on helping your spouse feel heard and understood by you–this is the backbone of good communication between a couple, especially with a sensitive topic like this one. This issue can make or break your entire discussion.

      • This can be really hard. Keep in mind that listening and understanding doesn’t mean agreeing – it simply means trying to learn things from the perspective of your spouse rather than assuming what they think or how they feel.

      • For example, you may think that being addicted to porn means that he/she doesn’t value their marriage to you. But by listening, you may find that they do value the marriage but are struggling to quit porn for other reasons.

    • Ask open-ended questions, like: 

      • When did you first see porn? How were you exposed to it? How did you feel?

      • Are you viewing porn now? If so, how frequently?

      • What are you seeking when you use porn? What does it mean to you?

      • How do you feel before, during, and after watching porn? 

    • Be honest about your feelings. Tell your spouse or spouse how you feel about porn. How does it make you feel about yourself? About the relationship? Remember to use “I feel” statements by saying “I feel/felt [insert emotions] when [describe situation].”

    • Come to an agreement.  It’s important for each spouse to be clear about what they are or aren’t willing to do going forward.

      • What do you each need from one another? Is the addicted spouse committed to recovery? What kind of support is he/she willing to accept? Understand that recovery from addiction is a journey that requires not only commitment from the addict, but an action plan, a support system, and accountability.

      • Porn, both discovered and discreet, impacts a marriage. It can be incredibly helpful to see a marriage therapist together. Are you both open to this?

      • You’ll likely need to have multiple conversations to work through these questions. Schedule a time with your spouse so that the conversation doesn’t get put off. If you decide to stay in the relationship, this will be an ongoing conversation in your marriage.

    If your spouse is unwilling to talk about the issue, it’s still important for you to get the support that you need and decide what actions to take.

  • There are many paths forward once you’ve had the difficult conversation with your spouse. Some couples may decide to stay together and work towards recovery. They may find a way to heal and grow even stronger from this experience. For other couples, the best decision may be to end the relationship. Know that there is no right or wrong decision to make in this situation. The best thing you can do is to find support during this time so that you can work through your feelings and make a decision that is right for you.

    You can support your spouse’s recovery in a few different ways:

    • Make Duaa to Allah SWT to help your spouse on their journey to recovery.

    • Read these 4 tips for supporting your partner as they recover from a porn addiction.

    • Make a coping plan for your own healing.

    • Help your spouse identify a qualified professional they can turn to for help, including seeing a marriage counselor together.

    • Help him/her identify an accountability partner.

    • Know that recovery is a process and usually takes several months to years. Read the previous section of the toolkit titled “Support for Those Addicted to Porn” to understand what the journey of recovery could look like from your spouse’s perspective.

      • Your spouse will experience periods of sobriety, and he/she will likely relapse in between. Discuss how you will support one another when a relapse happens. These suggestions can help.

      • If he/she is open to it, help your partner identify and eliminate triggers.

    • It will take time and effort to rebuild the trust between you. Set aside at least 15 minutes each day to connect with each other. You can talk about the highs and lows of the day, and if you are both open to it, this time can also be used to check in on how your spouse’s recovery is going.

    Finally, know that your spouse’s recovery is their responsibility, first and foremost. Even though you can be supportive, recovery is only possible if he/she is committed and willing to accept help from others. You should not be working harder than your spouse to help her/him to recover.

Fatma Khaled
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