How to Support Someone Living with Depression

What to Do When Someone You Care About Is Struggling

It’s hard to watch someone you care about slip into silence. Maybe they don’t laugh like they used to. They’re always tired. They cancel plans. Their eyes look distant, even when they’re right in front of you.

You want to help. You want to say the right thing. You want them to feel better. But most days, you feel unsure. You don’t want to push. You don’t want to say the wrong thing. You don’t know if they even want you there.

Loving someone who is depressed can feel helpless. But it’s not hopeless. You don’t need to be an expert. You just need to be present in the right ways.

Start with Compassion, Not Fixing

When someone is depressed, they’re not just sad. It’s not something they can snap out of. Depression affects how they think, feel, and function. It can make everyday things like replying to a message, getting out of bed, or even brushing their teeth feel heavy.

The worst thing you can do is try to fix it or make them feel guilty for not feeling better. Saying things like "Just be positive" or "Try harder" might come from care, but it often lands as pressure.

They don’t need advice as much as they need compassion. You can say, "I’m here. I may not fully understand what you're going through, but I care. And I want to be here for you." That kind of presence builds trust. And trust is where healing begins.

Check In Without Pressure

You don’t need to talk about their depression every time you reach out. In fact, what helps most is showing up with quiet consistency. Share a lighthearted video. Invite them to sit with you without expectations. Message them just to say you’re thinking of them.

When you do ask how they’re doing, keep it soft. Instead of asking, "What’s wrong with you?" try, "How have you been feeling lately?" or "I noticed you’ve been a little quieter. I’m always here if you want to talk."

Even if they don’t respond right away, you’ve already shown them they’re not invisible.

Respect Their Pace

Healing doesn’t move in a straight line. Some days may seem better, then things suddenly feel heavy again. That doesn’t mean they’ve failed. It doesn’t mean your support isn’t helping.

Don’t try to cheer them up or expect them to go back to normal overnight. Let them move at their own pace. Let them be real with you, even when it’s hard to watch.

You are not there to fix them. You are there to stay beside them, even when things feel messy.

Choose Your Words Gently

Some phrases can feel invalidating, even if you don’t mean them that way.

Try to avoid:
“You’re being dramatic.”
“At least you have good things in your life.”
“Everyone feels like this sometimes.”
“It could be worse.”

Instead, try:
“I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.”
“I’m here for you. No pressure to explain anything.”
“You don’t have to go through this alone.”
“Thank you for trusting me with this.”

Sometimes silence is better than saying the wrong thing. Just listening with presence, without interrupting, can make someone feel less alone.

Encourage Help Without Forcing It

You might want them to talk to a therapist, open up to family, or try something new. But when someone is depressed, even small steps can feel overwhelming.

You can gently mention support, without demanding it. Say something like, "If you ever feel ready to talk to someone, I heard Naseeha offers faith-based therapy. Just thought I’d share it with you in case it helps." Then leave it. Let them decide in their own time.

Even if they don’t act on it right away, knowing someone believes in their healing matters more than you know.

Faith and Mental Health Can Coexist

In our communities, we’re often taught that patience, gratitude, and trust in Allah are enough to overcome any struggle. And while faith is powerful, it does not cancel out our humanity.

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ experienced deep sadness. He grieved. He cried. He withdrew to process his pain. He never told anyone to hide what they were going through.

Depression is not a lack of iman. It’s not a punishment. It’s not a failure. It’s a part of the human condition that even the most faithful people go through.

Being with someone in their depression, without judgment, is one of the most beautiful acts of care. It reminds them that they are not weak, and they are not alone.

You Are Not Their Cure, But You Can Be Their Comfort

You won’t always have the right words. You won’t always know what to do. That’s okay.

What matters is that you care. That you are consistent. That you stay close even when they can’t meet you halfway.

Your presence may not fix their pain, but it can soften the edges of it. And that is more meaningful than you think.

Sometimes, just knowing someone sees them, believes them, and stays… that is what helps them keep going.