What If You're Not Scared of Allah... You're Just Scared?
How Childhood Trauma Confuses Fear with Closeness
Many people carry a quiet fear in their faith. They pray, fast, try to be good Muslims, but still feel anxious, guilty, or ashamed.
They wonder: Why do I feel scared when I think about Allah? Why does worship feel heavy instead of peaceful?
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken.
Sometimes what we label as "fear of Allah" isn’t spiritual at all. It’s emotional. It’s trauma.
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, in The Body Keeps the Score, explains that early relational trauma wires the brain and body to expect danger in closeness. When faith is layered on top of a nervous system conditioned by fear, worship can feel like pressure, not peace.
1. When Childhood Teaches You to Fear Love
If you grew up in a home where love was conditional, where affection disappeared when you made a mistake, where obedience was forced through yelling or silence, where mistakes meant punishment instead of guidance, your nervous system learned a painful lesson:
To survive, stay small. Stay silent. Stay scared.
This survival strategy does not disappear with age. It follows you into adulthood. Into relationships. And sometimes, even into your worship.
So you might find yourself afraid to connect with Allah. Not because you don’t love Allah, but because your body confuses closeness with danger.
In Islam, we know Allah is Al-Wadud (The Most Loving), Al-Haleem (The Most Forbearing), and Ar-Rahman (The Entirely Merciful). But when trauma shapes our nervous system, even these names may feel emotionally unsafe.
1. When Childhood Teaches You to Fear Love
If you grew up in a home where love was conditional, where affection disappeared when you made a mistake, where obedience was forced through yelling or silence, where mistakes meant punishment instead of guidance, your nervous system learned a painful lesson:
To survive, stay small. Stay silent. Stay scared.
This survival strategy does not disappear with age. It follows you into adulthood. Into relationships. And sometimes, even into your worship.
So you might find yourself afraid to connect with Allah. Not because you don’t love Allah, but because your body confuses closeness with danger.
In Islam, we know Allah is Al-Wadud (The Most Loving), Al-Haleem (The Most Forbearing), and Ar-Rahman (The Entirely Merciful). But when trauma shapes our nervous system, even these names may feel emotionally unsafe.
3. Fear Is Not the Foundation of Faith
Fear has a place in faith, but it is not the whole picture. Taqwa is not built on terror. It is built on awe, humility, and reverence.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
"بَشِّرُوا وَلَا تُنَفِّرُوا، وَيَسِّرُوا وَلَا تُعَسِّرُوا"
"Give glad tidings and do not repel. Make things easy and do not make them difficult." (Bukhari & Muslim)
Classical scholars taught that faith should rest on three pillars: love, hope, and fear. Ibn al-Qayyim likened the believer to a bird, with love as the head and hope and fear as the wings. But trauma distorts this balance. It enlarges fear until it crowds out everything else.
Allah says:
"قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ"
"Say, 'O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.'" (Surah Az-Zumar 39:53)
Mercy is not a reward for the perfect. It is the constant atmosphere in which you are invited to exist
4. You Can Heal This
Healing the trauma that affects your spiritual life is not a detour from faith. It is a deep return to it.
Start with self-awareness:
Where do I feel fear in worship?
What does that fear remind me of?
When did I learn that closeness meant control?
Then, root yourself in truth: This is not Allah. This is what people left in me. I am allowed to seek Allah with a heart that wants safety, not punishment.
Islam encourages inner reflection (tafakkur), seeking healing (shifa), and returning to what is true (rujoo’). The process of reconnecting with Allah after trauma is not a flaw in faith. It is faith in motion.
5. You're Not Alone
This is a tender journey, but you do not have to do it alone.
Therapy, especially trauma-informed and faith-sensitive therapy, can help you safely explore your emotional blocks without shame.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
"مَا أَنْزَلَ اللَّهُ دَاءً إِلَّا أَنْزَلَ لَهُ شِفَاءً"
"There is no disease that Allah has created except that He also has created its treatment." (Bukhari)
You are not faithless. You are not beyond healing. You are not too broken to belong in faith.
You are wounded. And Allah is Al-Jabbar .. the One who mends what is broken.
Sources and References:
Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score, Penguin Books, 2015
Gabor Maté, The Myth of Normal, Avery, 2022
The Holy Qur’an (Surah Az-Zumar 39:53)
Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim (Hadith on ease and mercy)
Ibn al-Qayyim, Madarij al-Salikeen (The Stages of the Seekers)